Quandry of Maybees Re: Formal Prayer Partners

So I have a quandry.

I probably know the answer, or an answer, but I'm not sure if it's right, or what I should do.

So, here's the scenario.

Last year, I had two regular prayer partners. One I got together with every week...we shared, talked about where God was guiding, what was going on with family, our churches, our places in ministry, and where God was pushing us--where we needed accountability.

Over time, I think part of it was me...I don't know, I wasn't able to focus in a particular area God was leading her and I wanted to be there, but didn't feel it was God's timing...so it was almost too much for me to hear her excited about it all the time. I just felt pulled. So, we needed space, and we've gone to lunch and talked on the phone since...but, it feels at an awkward growth phase or something. I'm not sure what will happen with it, or what the purpose of it is at this point. It seems now that there has been space, the interest has simmered down and it's fun again. But, now life pulls us apart.

The other was expecting and, of course, over a period of time, life happens, babies are born...etc. You get pulled apart. Seasons. That's okay. (Ran into her this week while she was out walking, pulled over the van, jumped out with 4 yr. old, and just walked a few miles together and talked. It was great to feel God putting us back together. We plan to walk a couple days next week...hopefully with stroller on hand! Carrying the 4 yr. old was a stretch, but still fun. We found dead critters and he saw his first apple tree. Fun.)

So, now I'm in this Master Life class. They want us to have a weekly prayer partner outside the class that we "pray with".

Here's my quandry, and I guess I'm just wondering if anybody else has been here--I do pursue those relationships, but they seem to fall with a lot of God's help and timing for me. It's not just "Hey, want to pray together every week for a year? " And my favorite are the ones where you don't even have to ask...the friendship is already strong and it's a part of it, but not a formal thing...just a part of the mix. So that if there is no prayer for a while, you are still sharing life, playing, going, doing, being.

I guess in my lag on this, I'm realizing that I'm slow to do that "prayer partner" thing.

It feels like that season right after you've been dating when you don't mind being around friends, but you just don't want the high level of transparency all the time yet necessarily. I guess there is a level of pain to work there at the end of a "season"...maybe that's all it is. I don't know if I need to let it be until my desire is higher for it again, or if it is God pushing me to get over it with this class. It's been since Spring I guess.

It's taken me two weeks to figure out why I don't want to do this part of the course. I advise "prayer partners", "accountability partners"...think it's necessary for growth.

I'm just wondering what to do with this phase of my own walk, esp. in conjunction with the class.

I realize I am nitpicking it--just trying to examine it and see where my heart really is on it I guess, not realizing it was there before. I mean, I'm not completely isolated...I have a dear friend who almost weekly asks me, "How can I pray for you?" And I do the same for her. And maybe that's enough...but, why won't I ask?

It's usually be email because we are both moms...about the only time we can think and share seriously uninterupted.

I do miss the face to face friends who can just read my countenance and know how to pray.

Maybe it doesn't need to be that formal. Maybe I just need to offer it with others and see if reciprocation occurs? Which, I know it will. Is it better to just do that so that nobody is disappointed or feels like you are missing the goal if you don't actually "pray" together?

For example, often I found that with my friends, our levels of sharing was so good and questions accountable, wisdom sharing...the conversation itself was prayerful, though there were no heads bowed, and we didn't start "Dear, Lord" or end with "Amen".

As Purpose Driven Life proposes...all of life can be worship and should be if our lives are iving Him pleasure. Then, doesn't it stand to reason that conversation can be "prayerful"as well? Yes, we prayed at times, but not all the time every week. If you asked me, He was made Lord in those conversations by the sharing, or repentance for inappropriate sharing later.

Yes, this very much feels like the stupidity that goes on mentally after a breakup. And it's not been to that extreme, but the losses are about that evident on your persona when you've walked that closely with someone each week and have to find your own two feet again.

Pray for me, and for the Lord to get me to the next step in this. Maybe I'm dragging my feet? Maybe it's normal? Maybe it's healthy? Maybe I've made Him my "friend" more again in this time? And maybe I need to re-enter... I don't know. Maybe He is moving me without my having to try to decide and figure it out. Probably so, He usually does. I can take credit for very little "discipleship" in my life.

So, anybody with any advice feel free. We'll all go in circles together!