I'm moving! Uh, no....not in that sense. Just the blog.

Been at blogger almost a year! Faithful attenders here. Time for more options--CATEGORIES!!! Ah! Bless my weary soul. (Didn't I try to make it work here? I milked Blogger for all it was worth and then some.)

WordPress.Com ==free. Yes! God is good! Does he hear the most remote desire of our hearts, or what?

www.5purposedriven.WORDPRESS.com I want all your comments over there, today! Housewarming party! Change those linkies and bookmarks. You really don't want to come looking again later at a dead blog, now do you? How lame. Bookmark me now!

Imported my blogger posts yesterday (most of them). 100 or so wouldn't import...I doubt we'll miss them! I'll work on getting some of those categorized just for sport soon.

So, to WordPress it is. Today....right now....the jump....................****wheeeeeee'''''''!!!!


I'll still get comment emails from this blog should anyone desire to do so here at blogger, but don't...go to www.5purposedriven.WORDPRESS.COM!




Today has been totally awesome. (Very 80s lingo there.)

I did pretty much nothing. And it was good.

I need to fold some underwear. But I did not.

I played. I worked on recovering a chaise lounge chair (totally freaking me out, but I'm up for that kind of work).

On to VBS.

Three Notable Experiences Yesterday

1. Praise Band: I've never had an experience like I did yesterday playing. It was...relief to me. From a long week, I was Saul...the music my release. Joy, uncomplicated thoughts, beauty, light, joy--flooding in. Breath. Air. It was sweet.

2. Vacation Bible School: Wow. Like, I SO dreaded it. Royal headaches all day, 4XS Tylenol and 1 Naproxen, 1 Clarinex, Nasonex, and Afrin...and finally, I could stand up without my head ThRoBbiNg. I got there last night, so totally thinking I was going to be a wipeout. Those kids, they cracked me UP! I'm making a list of the totally hysterical things they say. I'll post it later in the week if no one threw it away. I was lovin' life. It was awesome.

3. Someone "saw" me yesterday...caught me off guard. We forget to notice people, I suppose. Really. An old friend, "ministry removed".

"Are you okay?"

"Just kind of tired. A tough few weeks --some weighty stuff, normal, but weighty."

"Okay. Just thought you seemed to be moving slower than usual".

"I am. Thanks for asking. I needed that."

Lord, help me to do that more!

To see. Beyond the ministry, expectations, and service. To be real to those who don't need the service, but need friends. Forgive me when I fail to be a good encourager. Man...that's what it's all about.


Totally Skill-less Roaming Poem on Grief

If you are my friend
Be patient with me
I am grieving
Babies, mine and yours, lost
old friends, mine and yours

I am afraid, somehow
of the inevitable
or the surprise
the danger
the accident
the loss, of any kind
Reminders of past losses, devastating losses
I cannot endure again
Or think I can't

Or equally as mind boggling:
Contemplating life
Feeling so lost--yet knowing I am not

All process
All part
But weighty, too weighty,
all of it together
Out of balance
Overwhelmed with the bulk of processing

This is grieving
Distant, distracted, disconnected
My own sadness
and yours
Mixed in a bag I cannot sift
Letting go,
yet washing back at my feet times a day

Grief on grief
Heartache on heartache
Open wounds
Opening wounds
as grieve does
A healer, in and of itself
amazing thought

Busy-ing myself
Because I need to
Mind, emotion, strength
Tiring easily,headaches, moods
Hating it


Moving on...

A tough month
Not bouncing back
too much in a row hits deep somehow

Others stronger
More adept
Letting go fast
Me...learning, slow, frustrated, hiding, comparing
as I should not, I know

So...if I seem insensitive
Not because I don't love you
Have found something or someone to replace you
Because I'm mad or thoughtless
or self centered
No, not really~
I need you

Push me!
But don't push
Wait on me
But leave me alone
Find me
But let me be
Tangled mess that I am
Go figure

Take me
Snappy, Emotional, Turse
"Busy", Unprepared, Weepy
Agitated, Touchy

And...try again
When I blow it, please

Smile at me
Even if I don't smile back
If I cry
or act cold
Don't think me too strange or stuck up
I'm not...try NOT to be!
You know pain, how it hurts
Even when you think it shouldn't
Not that much

Just be patient with me
And tell those I love
To be patient, too--
Moving as fast as I can forward, to better days...
without rushing grief
because I can't seem to
though I've tried to stop and say it's over

~The Management

WordPress compared to Blogger

Comparison of wordpress.com and blogger: Wordpress.com (not WordPress.org), offers free blogger hosting now with categories. I'm toying with it a bit to see if it's worth the switch. I REALLY like the idea of categories. They only let you host, I think it's 25MB of pics, which, for me, may become a problem as much photoblogging as I do. If I could transfer pics through "hello", storage is much less, and I think it would be minimal storage. With standard uploading, the pics are much larger (in my estimation).

An Interview with Matt Mullenweg, WordPress Creator (Inspirational read. Matt believes in free, non-liscensed community open software, which means frequent upgrades, tricks, forums, and articles not available through blogger. Seems like a neat guy and a great support community in the developer areas.

Pros and Cons of WordPress A Must Read for those considering a switch. In short: you get a categories with WordPress, less control over the sidebar and template, but a change is soon expected to those. I've spent a lot of time on my sidebar, so I hate to lose that, even for a "cleaner" site. I suppose most of my readers have seen that stuff now anyway long enough to find it if they wanted it.

For those just getting started, may be worth signing up so that you can categorize posts before you go too far...something I wish I could go back and easily do now.

I'll update as I find information.


Fill the Space

With the passing of my uncle-in-law and great cyber friend, there is left a notable gap. I find it hard to blog, write, and invest myself knowing all will someday only be a memory. Reading this blog today inspired me to fill the gap (not repace, but fill), and realize the worth of what we do to share and communicate and enjoy new forms of community than our world has known so far.

I've asked myself: Did I really know Dave? I mean, in real life? Not as well as I did by cyberspace! Is that weird? Is that real? Is it normal? Is it worthy? Does what I do have lastly purpose and meaning? Is it best?

This morning, searching for information on wordpress, I found Rob's blog. Beyond the wordpress article, I was surprised to find an answer to my questions somehow. The mix of all of who we are. The reminder that we are more than any one part. That we move on. We create. We share. We write. We risk. No...cyberfriendships can't be everything. We need Jesus in Red minivans (see blog from two days ago, which I will link to when I figure out how to link to myself more easily than going to look it up). But, friends of all types and shapes and forms are to be valued whether they are friends for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. We grieve all, and we are friend to all. Reaching, teaching, growing, sowing...it all matters, whatever God tells me to do for that time. And listening when He tells me to divert energy elsewhere. Never being trapped by my own habits. Never refusing to change them. Availability. Sharing. Growing. Helping. Encouraging. Balance. Moving on. Vulnerability. Sensitivity.

That's why.

Thanks for the inspiration Rob's Place:: Orangejack blog Keep moving on...or rolling on, whatever it is oranges do!


He Came

This week, Jesus came in a burgundy minivan. He offered to bring me milk when I didn't feel like getting out much. He stayed for lunch.

Today, He arrived today in a wine Explorer (must trade vehicles a lot, but seems to stay with maroon) when my van was in the shop. He shuttled my girl around. I was so glad to get her where she wanted to go. Crazy Mom forgets the day of the week!

In the meantime, He called and asked if I needed green beans, squash, and cabbage. Boy, did I! (No food in the house to speak of.) I took Red for a wagon ride, walked to his house...he sat and visited with me a while. He'd even broken the beans for me. He had grey hair and wrinkles, and was having a hard time getting around. I didn't mind.

When I got home, He lined up some videos to help me worship again.

Sometimes, when I can't hear his love too well...he still knows how to get to me anyway. Wins my heart...every time. Dang it. He's good!

PS: Did I mention Jesus left four comments on my blog yesterday! He told me where to shop!

Get It

When I get really tired, self pity begins to seep in. I see all the worst in myself and life.
I keep a few books around that seem to ground me when I'm blue. When my emotions are rattled and my spirit gets worn, I don't want to hear anything. I'm just tired. Yet...I know it's the truth of the word of God that will feed and refresh my spirit, if I'll just find moments where I can quickly soak in who God really is.

I found this book at The Dollar Tree about a year ago. It was a whopping $1.00. This thing is a gold mine. (I don't know if you can still find it there or not, but Amazon has it--I've included that link). It's well worth the effort to find it and add it to your library.

I've been looking for a book that did what Amy Ng Wong has done for a long time. She takes each attribute of God, in alphabetical order, then lists the scriptures that go with it. When I forget who I am, and who God is...I begin reading, praying through, and thinking through these scriptures. They are not about my attitude or the situation or me at all...they are about God--who HE is. That's it. And when I'm really hurting or tired or frustrated, I can't handle anything else about me...but I can handle who HE is. Much harder to stay in a funk when confronted with the Might, Sovereignty, Love, and Mercy of an intimately connected God who cares infinitely about me...and you. Check it out: The Everyday Guide to God.


Desperate Times

It's raining. Post party clean up. Laundry. Iron for funeral. Depressing.

I need to shop. Or at least do some admirable browsing. I'm thinking clothes.

Where's your favorite place to shop on-line? (OR: Go find one and tell me about it. I just checked out Land'sEnd.com {great dual duty quick dry hiking shorts/swim trunks for hubbie I liked} and ColdWaterCreek.com. Nice stuff, but nothing got my card today.)


Recipe for a Great 4th

Watermelon + Grilled Hamburgers + Swimming + Neice + Nephew + 2 sets of joyful grandparents + strawberry punch bowl cake + homemade ice cream + fireworks + old quilts + summer storms + setting off home fireworks (a first!)+ Coca Cola + lots of friends + football + stroller walks + impromptu grilling party + old friends + lots of red, white, and blue + flowers in full bloom + suntans + excitement of toddlers + family + laughing = ONE HAPPY GIRL.

Yup. The 4th is still my favorite. Even in sad and stressful times. Joy, Joy, Joy!

My Son (Left) Taught My Nephew Great Things Today

4th of July~Testing Out My Sony Cybershot 5.1 on Fireworks...I like it!


In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory of Uncle Dave (d. 7-3-2006)

door-knocker woodwork by Dave (2001)
re-hung at new residence 7-3-2006 on news of his passing


Anatomy of Breakdown

One of the hardest weeks of my life.

I have not yet lost any of my aunts or uncles. My mom and dad had huge families and they are all still living. My husband, losing his first...it is my own. I know him better than many of my own because he chose to share his life stories with me...mostly by email helping me learn to compute. (In those days, I "downloaded" everything, whether I was uploading, downloading, or simply "loading". He was patient. I never got to know him much in person because he had the strangest jokes to tell all the time, and I seldom got them, but laughed anyway. And they had a big indoor dog, and I was afraid of him.)

His sense of humor never let me get too frustrated with the learning curve of whatever I wanted to do or understand with my computer.

He made us wooden crafts. I still have a brightly colored, beautiful woodpecker doorknocker, handcarved and painted. Now that we've moved, we've not yet found a door for it. I need to find it a place. Maybe on the porch door.

I've not been able to let myself deal with it yet this week.

Today, I could not stand or sing or enjoy church at all.

I'm not mad at God. I just needed worship in my own way today, and the direction of the service did not accomodate my heart's needs. It was an agitation. But, thinking back, it was an emotional independance day skit opened my heart to feel anything. And, when I did, boy was I grumpy, and very ready to cry on somebody.

A dear friend met me on the crowded stairs and asked me how I was. "How are you?" Well, that's all it took. I collapsed on the poor girl in the middle of the stairs, blocking traffic, and didn't move for a good three minutes. She drug me down half way and at least let traffic pass. Emotional overload knows no rules. Go hide, or be real and just let it go, but it's coming.

Oh well, so much for composure. I've had to keep some semblence of composure most of the week for someone, and, to be completely honest, it felt very good to just let go for five minutes with any friend available at the moment. My tears are no respector of persons. Next time, it may be you. If you don't want to know, I suggest no asking!

I do not have it together. I am not above emotional overload. I think it's normal, even though it looks and feels abnormal and weak at the moment. I struggle with death of dear ones at times like this, even though I have the hope of heaven. I grieve. I hurt deeply. I mourn and weep in unconventional times, in unconventional ways. Whenever it's time, it's time. I get cranky when I'm getting overloaded. I stomp my feet. I ignore it and push it away when I feel it in the pit of my stomach off and on and off and on. I push it down and down and down and hope it stays until I can take it. The release feels good. I cry more, and it's easier the next time, and I'm not embarrassed anymore. And...it's okay--there's always somebody around to hug and take it. They seem to appreciate it.



4th of July weekend. My favorite holiday of the year. Sun, relaxation. Homeade ice cream. Baseball. Flowers. Swimming. Fireworks. Sunburns. Frisbee. Biking. I love it.

This year. A whole bunch of stress management. My face is breaking out, I'm craving food constantly, and I'm thankful, worried, and stressed--all at the same time. I can't even sort it.

Reading the latest in the O'Malley series, Truth Seeker, to numb my mind. Cross-stitching to absorb any focus. No thinking. At all. Can't. Vacationing at home around the pool. I know I'll need it in the coming week(s). Waiting for a loved one to breath their last is no fun at all. Constant knot in the stomach. Sick feeling that pierces.

Well, with that. Have a super spectacular 4th! Both my brothers are in! I'm thrilled at that surprise!