Lost

Today I am emotionally wiped out.

The push to stay high for weekends and leading worship and doing what needs to be done with all the family home just leaves me feeling numb some Monday mornings. I miss people. I miss the smiles and the worship and the warmth and the high praise. I miss people I didn't get to talk to or connect with as I could have or should have. I miss opportunities I had and didn't take. Regret things I did and perhaps shouldn't have done...







I just wasn't finished. Now it's over. It's Monday. People are strayed and busy and in their own element.

I don't feel like having my quiet time today. I'm not sure why.

I got the two to school, came home, and fell back into bed. Woke up to find Red holding my feet like a stuffed animal, asleep, his head peeking out three layers of blankets and pillows. So sweet. Got back up to capture a moment of silence.

Now, what to do today. The stay-at-home mom.

Promised to write cards to the janitorial staff for Sunday school yesterday--just feel like my soul isn't into encouragement yet. I hate to just "do it". Maybe if I get started it will finish better.

Also, mulling a call I got on the machine Sat. A lady called to see if I would participate in an abstinence program at the middle school.

I'm not sure why, but that totally freaked me out. I guess because it's such a delicate thing, I don't know her well, and don't know what would be expected of me or what I should say. I have a lot to say...just caught me off guard I guess. I need to call her back. If we have a doorway, it needs to be taken -- middle school is a good age to hit it I guess.

Middle school. My son will be there in three years. Amazing! New thought there.

I'm rambling aimlessly today, not even sure why I chose to write. Hoping to find an answer I suppose. Just can't quite figure out how to start this day or what to do with it. Sounds like a good day to clean. Requires no thought.

Lord, teach me to number my days aright. Lead me. I feel lost today somehow.