I Just Don't Know

Well, ya'll. I just don't know if I'm cut out for this whole Mom thing sometimes.

I got home so frustrated with my daughter I could have screamed. Okay. In fact, I did.

I got so irritated with her. She was uncooperative (with me, at least quietly, with an ugly scowl no other child in the room held) concerning any idea of what she would be doing in the play.

It takes her quite a while to warm up to new ideas. She wants to do it, but doesn't want to do anything "it" requires. The "idea" of being in a play, without actually "being" in the play. I think just overcoming her stage fright to try out was a huge step. Now, the rest of it...well, we're not to the "I'm doing this because I enjoy it" part yet. So, it's the constant lecture about my doing it BECAUSE she WANTED to do it. I am sacrificing so that she can do it. And she's telling me the whole time we are there that she is bored, she wanted to be "Beth", and wanted a reading part and doesn't want to be "the crowd" who "giggles, laughs, and sings".

Small responsiblity well handled turns into bigger parts later, I teach. I don't ever want to do it again, she says. I'm bored.

I had this problem with my son last year. He played Joseph. A five minute role, a star role, but the rest of the practices, most of the 2-3 hour practices, they did very little that involved him. So now, he won't do it again. To bored.

Maybe my kids aren't cut out for the stage. Who knows. Not that I want them to be, in particular...I'm just following her. Or I thought I was. Maybe she's following me. Oh dear. Tonight, I hope not. I got so mad at her. Ranting and raving..."Why can't you just be happy and enjoy what you said you wanted to do?.........."

My husband is rolling his eyes wondering how I got myself into this and if I can back out. I don't want to back out...I don't want to back her out. But...it is a lot to ask of a 6 yr. old kid who's never done it before. I know. Patience.

Whew.

Maybe we'll make it. She's be one grouchy, terrified "crowd" I'm afraid. But, it will be a good opportunity for her. Conquer a fear.

She still rehearses the songs from the last children's Christmas play to sing along and pretend to be a star.

Lord, give me patience I do not have. A more gentle spirit. Wanting to pop her upside the head is probably not the quiet and gentle spirit...I'm just guessing. How often my Mom wanted to do the same to me, I know...she said so! I never could figure it out...I thought I made perfect sense.

Well. Enough of that. On to the dirty kitchen and clothes to be folded and food stuffs for parties my kids have Thursday and forgot to tell me about BEFORE my shopping trip. (Gentle and quiet, gentle and quiet, gentle and -- new mantra).

me