Check Mark

Tuesday. I am still not so much enjoying entering into the disciplines of January.

See, it wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to really enjoy Decemeber, and bake, and eat cookies, and go to parties, and get (I mean give) gifts. Then, in January, I would enjoy STOPPING eating cookies, and would get a riot out of Bible Study, and excercise, and routine, and decluttering.

Something has gone awry.

In any case, I did do the Bible Study today and am on track to finish the course load for the week by tomorrow, Wednesday. Not enjoying it, not emotionally involved, not getting a kick out of it, but am establishing the habit and holding to my commitment. If I'm not enjoying it, I don't usually get much out of it. But, here we are, re-forming habits. Now, to the treadmill. iTunes...come and save me!
Otherwise, Boy Wonder is home sick from school in the bathroom, Mr. Wonderful feeling better, and I'm just yucked out.

See...my Goldilocks brought home her report card with her second check for "obedience"--as in, needing improvement.

What? What for?

So, respectful letters are written back and forth to teacher to try to determine what steps are needed, what the issues are, and what I can do from here...hard, when she is THERE. I have no problem getting her to obey...well, okay, so there are times.

But, in general, I can bare down and get her to...

But, the point is... she's not getting it on her own, and it's time.

So I have a big problem I didn't know I had, and therefore, a very big headache I cannot shake and a very bad mood.

Praying, thinking this through, I have simply determined that her problem is that she is such a great and adorable student that she has confused the difference in being blessed for this divine state as opposed to taking "privelege". She must think she'll be understood for her lofty ideals, goals, and aspirations.

(Okay, stop hacking about it...not THAT funny. I'm sure that's the trouble part of the time anyway.)

But, yes. She's also just being downright sneaky. SHE NEEDS JESUS!

She's six. A first grader. Testing her limits like she's wired to do...like all kids do at some point.

"Put the pencil away. Listen." She puts the pencil under her desk and continues to play with it?

Are you seriuos? Well...shoot...I would have done the same thing, I loved art a lot better than class. But, it's a heart issue, so we deal with it and get it done hard. How many other little things are there? Or not. You don't know.

So, you bare down, teach, encourage and pray it gets better.

Thinking of ways to try to teach her. Sounds easy. Gets hard. You want them to be critical thinkers and to be indepedant, reasoning things out, making their own way...yet, to know when to STOP thinking, STOP reasoning, and flatly obey a, "Stop.", "Stay.", or "Put it away".

I guess I assumed that first time it showed up it was a beginner's mistake. Now, we're getting into habit or character or something else, and ouch!

Already tainted for life, on permanent record, in need of grace.

Not fun for a mother AT ALL. Sounds trite for those of you not yet getting graded, I know. You're skimming by now. (I mean, the children, yes...the children are getting graded. Just wait.)

So, first I teach her to stop rationalizing. No problem. Until I realize how often I'M doing the same thing. So, I'm driving over the speed limit with my kids asking me why we are in such a hurry? "Well, kids, we are in a hurry because we just get in too big of a hurry, and we get in a hurry BECAUSe you guys aren't getting reading on time. We haven't had breakfast. We couldn't find a shoe, you didn't brush your hair or teeth when I asked you to...we were supposed to be there 5 minutes ago! THAT is why."

Sound familiar? Sound like normal. Yeah. Sounds like somebody didn't start early enough. WHO was that?

So, now who has the check mark?! Ugggggghhhhh. I hate school!

Being a "good person" does not excuse crossing the line. Having good motives or a good heart or a good explanation. I mean, seriously, when The Teacher comes back, am I going to be found doing what I was told to do...or "out of my seat" doing my own thing, too? Good reasons.

And is He going to ask why or is He just going to give me that look that ceases speach and quick answers? I can hear it now, "Oh, I was just..." into nothingness. Because it won't matter. The test is over. I did not obey. Check.

Anybody else just cringe trying to teach your kids the very basics? Our parents pray this on us, I know. Whew. Gets to me. No, it isn't that personal, it's normal. But, it just gets to you. Wait and see! Normal stuff, everybody deals with it...but, still, one heavy-hearted Mommy not doing her own thing very well today...not the ideal, the goal. Getting fine grades, but still getting the fateful "check".


Misty said...

Lord have mercy on us both! My little 4 year old has already taken a year off my life, I'm sure. She's the most defiant, irrational, stubborn little being sometimes, and I feel like beating my head on the wall just trying to teach HER the "basics". Why can't she be quiet when i tell her to, or put her toys away, or eat her food, or stop pushing her sister? I made some chocolate chip "tranquilizers", I mean, cookies today--that seems to help :)

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! My boys are only 5 and 3, as you know. But I was formerly a teacher...a FIRST grade teacher. I think prayer is the #1 priority. I know, you want to immediately fix it. No more "checks"! But ultimately, you are shepherding her HEART. Pray, pray, pray! And maybe some good, solid lessons in "slow obedience is no obedience". Serious consequences for slow or delayed obedience at home, maybe? We have major issues with obeying first time. The boys hear the above quote almost every day. "They" say new habits are formed in 21 days or less. I hold dear to that statistic when we are having to go back and re-train. I'm sorry you are "heavy-hearted". Praying for you! RW (formerly, the good the bad and the ugly)

Magnanimity said...

Wow. SO good to hear from you. Miss your blog.

Stay in touch.