Wearing Grunge-Rewrite

The worship celebration was an awesome experience...but it gave me a lot to think about. For one thing, I'm tired. Everything I say and think is in the context of a month of fatigue and total focus that needs taming, okay?

Afterward, I sort of want to cry. I'm not sure why. I'm doing all the right stuff. Part of it letdown from adrenaline. Part of it healthy evaluation. Part of it dealing with the "junk" that goes on. Most of us need a bath after performance time...and not just because we physically are drenched in sweat.

My junk: I know that my spirit's commitment is to stay FAT as a disciple (Campus Crusade for Christ principle taught): Faithful, Available, and Teachable. Yet, my flesh fights the urge to try to become more talented--so I can be less faithful.

I know that's not right.

The temptation is just do whatever it takes to learn to shine yourself, and forget teaching everyone else, or training them up, or seeking that group "body-life" synergy and power that comes from working together. Just show up whenever, do your thing well, and everybody claps for you. Stay in your spot. Be revered for your thing. Stay out of everybody else's space.

And, there's a place for that.

But, is that really our goal?

A body stretches you, works together, compensates...teaches. I push you...you pull me. It cries and shakes, rattles, and rolls...but we are together...better for it. One. We encourage and cheer and make demands. Appreciating the process. Not denying it. Giving it time. Being there. Being ready. Each preparing...doing it's part. Encouraging. Being "all there".

When one part is not ready, we find out why...encourage it, raise people up. Teach. Ask. Compensate, if needed.

We started a Bible study last week that talked about how Moses was considered the most humble man on the face of the earth. God spoke to other prophets in visions and dreams, but to Moses, he spoke as a man--face to face. Clearly. How awesome is that! What I want! To hear and obey.

Even still, Moses was criticized by those closest to him. Still, in humility, he kept doing the task God gave him to do in the face of criticism.

As a musicians, we are often tempted to shut down just because somebody got in our face. They feel their turf is invaded...spout, pout, or spurt. Sometimes, we need our turf invaded. We challenge each other. I need it. It hurts, and I spout, but I need it. I may be defensive at first, and I may be cranky, but I need it. And I hear it later...again...in my quiet time alone...and I know I need to kick it up a notch.

But...when someone gets in our face...what do we do? I can tell you from experience that we are most tempted to shut down, say, "Let 'em fail. I don't care anymore. I'm just doing my job. You are free to fail." That sounds good...it sounds spiritual and helpful. We're just "giving them space they seem to want". But, sometimes we use it as an excuse to stop doing the job and gifts God gave us.

Sometimes the humble response is the one Moses gave: "We've all still got a lot to learn (Miriam needed to learn to do her thing and shut up. God punished her. She slowed down the group from their travels by days.) Lord...if you give me opportunity to keep smiling and keep trying and keep teaching and keep going, if you'll soften our hearts and let us talk, I'll keep trying and not let them fail. If they don't want to hear...then, yes, they are free to fail. In any case, help me keep serving fully in my spot, doing my thing with as much joy and zeal as you can give me. I will give it. I will not withhold. I will not choose to sulk and stay mad. I still have much to learn myself. I will do what you asked me to do. I'll help others. I'll focus."

I rewrote this blog because it was unclear what was on my heart. Preparation. Each doing his part so that others function better. Humility. Disciple-making. The process. The battle to "keep on". The battle we all face working with human people.

The battle of fatigue, humility, body-life as a priority above self glory...carrying other's weight, wanting them to carry their own weight, accepting help with yours.

I hope that clears up any confusion. It helped clear it for me anyway.


Anonymous said...

I understand where you are coming from. Would much rather practice to see how everything goes instead of going into anything completely blind, even if it is something as simple as playing an accompaniment track for a singer. Dynamics change for both the singer and the song and while it can be done without practice it makes for a better presentation knowing what it should sound like in advance. Much more so with a band. Having an unknown element thrown into anything you do can be scary and frustrating. Ultimately the only thing you can do is your best and hope everything comes out okay. Running sound I don’t know how many times I have thought things would end up as a train wreck but when it’s ‘show time’ it all falls together and I look back and see where God has carried us all through. ~RC

Magnanimity said...

Thanks for the comment. Great to see you back.

We have such GREAT leadership who supports us in these efforts. Sometimes it's team members who don't encourage it enough for it to bleed through the body as our standard.

I don't feel like I worry...just want some peace.

I wonder how others encourage preparedness in their groups?