Blessed Exhaustion

Lately, I wonder why I blog. I keep thinking if I wait until I am refreshed, my blogs will be much better. Someone might benefit from more than the mundane of ...tired. But, somehow, I guess I want people to know what real is...it's not the hapyy you may see in a greeting, though that is also "real", it's not just the image you may have of someone you know, or the perception of someone's life you may have. It's...no matter where you are, or who you are...the work and the chores and the "life" is endless. It's fatigue, tiring. No matter how blessed you are, or how "happy" you are...it is tiresome. I love where I am in life. I love family. I love my kids, my husband, my life. And, yet, I thrive on the moments that matter...for it is all, in and of itself, both joyful, and tiring.

There's the book of Ecclesiastes in a nutshell, I do suppose.

I am anxious for a month of taking better care of myself...giving a little needed nurture to my schedule. Working out, thinking about health, and giving more of my mind to God each day. But, from December, we learn play...abandon...giving...and, for me, and in some ways, the importance of "productions"...traditions, good spirit...parties...entertaining and hospitality. I am thankful for the "rush" of the season. Much there I need to round me out.

The thing I dread most about tomorrow? My husband going back to work. I'll miss his help with the discipline, the kids, the running, the quick errands...his love and loving care. I'll miss him...his coffee for me, his company as breakfast unhurried, his smiles...taking out the trash. All the things he does for me that let's me know he is with me, for me, helping me. I hope I can do the same for him more in his busy days. It truly means so much!

Today, with my Dad and his wife. A good day. Helped him with some guitar stuff...fun. Transposed a song he liked for him to make it playable, showed him a few strumming patterns. I learned because he played...now teaching him now and then some things...an honor.

Tasks. Feeling overwhelmed by the need to declutter, de-accumulate, minimize my life...after buying, buying, buying. Wanting to capture the memories, work on pictures, play with the kids, fix homemade waffles for them for breakfast the way my mom used to do. Play barbies all day, and "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" and build Legos and play Polly Pockets. And I might..except that I also need to handle laundry and meals and social needs for everyone and get caught up with myself a bit.

It will be fun, but right now, it sounds tiring. Just need a rest from it all...from the busyness and lists I suppose. Lord, help me return to simplicity, where I find myself with you...and you speak. There is purpose, direction, meaning again. Not just fun and excitement and pretty bows that get torn off and trampled. Lasting meaning. Lasting joy. Lasting value.

Take me back. I give myself to you. Help me obey. Do what I should. Pay the price.


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