2/01/2006

Grace and Peace

Yesterday, I did obey. I didn't relish the thought and didn't really know how, but I did what I thought he was asking me to do. I'm such a mixed lump. Lord, use it. Be God.

Today...decompression day to some extent: Find joy, be uplifted, release, let go, think, pray, let go again. Try to find praise and worship and thanksgiving....enjoy my Maker. Know I can trust Him in everything.

I want to hear Him speak today. To be sure I hear him. Not my own thoughts and logic and reasoning Satan can use to convince me I'm on the right path-- while he's veering me slightly to the left or right for such a very long time that I've convinced myself I'm still driving straight on course. Lord, use your word and your truth to "keep my tires balanced". Priorities straight. Keep me straight on the path, not looking or veering to the right or to the left, not for all the best sounding logic and reasoning in the world. Help me make sure I honor the people I care about most in all I do.

How Satan distorts what is truly best for us.

Keep me on the path of servanthood. Giving of self. Sacrifice. Keep me there. I don't even know how entirely.
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A bit behind on my Bible study today...too much on my mind this week to stay caught up. Have two days work to finish today.

Need to get some mundane things caught up. Laundry.
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This whole blog experience is a bit confusing to me at times...to know what to do with it, what God is asking of me with it...what to expect. How to use it to grow myself and others. To be real and vulnerable without being a "real jerk". A hard mix. I hate hearing people say, "Well, I'm just being real. This is how God made me." God did not make people to be jerks. I don't want to be a real jerk. I want to be real godly. True. True blue...the truest. In Him. Like Him. That kind of true...in His truth.

I give this thing it to Him again as He continues to grow and challenge me with it. Feeling a bit lost with it right now, not sure why I write or why people read.

I guard against ungodly venting on it just for the sake of venting...but I do want help on bad days. I do want help where my logic is faulty. As with most my journaling, I get too self centered at times. I am aware today that I did hurt someone inadvertently. Not sure how. I will go back and try to figure it out, let God examine me sometime soon. Curiosity will probably get the best of me. But, for now. I'm sorry. I never mean to do anything but deal with my own stuff and affirm other people. If I miss the mark and am being a jerk or hit a raw nerve. I AM so sorry. With my friends here, I am committed to building. I don't want anything, not even this, to stand in the way of that. Perhaps I should stop. Not asking for votes. Seeking God.

Maybe I will take it in a new direction for a while. I'm not sure.

One thing at a time. Distractions are good sometimes. Not to obsess. And thank you for uncommon grace and laughter and burnt eggs and smoke alarms.
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For today,
Rest and peace and grace to us all

me

1 comment:

esm said...

Not trying to "vote" as you said, because I know you truly want to do what God wants you to do. However, I do want to offer a word of encouragement. Why do I read your blog? Some days it is uplifting, some days it is inspiring, some days it challenges me, some days I can just relate to the things you are going through. I enjoy seeing your creativity -- your gift with the pen (alright, the keyboard -- you know what I mean), your digital photography and scrapkook pages; the way you take the ordinary mundane things of life and make it into a lesson (i.e. the trash bag). And I do like hearing you vent. It makes me feel, well, normal. We all need to vent. Sometimes our venting challenges us. Often after we get it all out, we are more open to hear what God has to say to us about a situation. Also, I am sure God often speaks to you through feedback you receive.