2/24/2006

Discipline of Blogging

I don't particularly "feel" so much like blogging this week. But, like anything else, it is a discipline if you don't maintain, you suddenly forget why you ever did it, and it is gone. Sharing and vulnerability and honesty and journaling for the benefit of others...all that is a discipline. And, I pray that it feeds into my life also...making me more willing to be real with the good, the bad, and the ugly with me. Not because I want anyone to see that, but because, only in an attempt to share our lives with people can other people see God's rescue, deliverance, and work in our lives beyond what we could ever do ourselves. If we hide behind smiles, and "fine", and never say, "This is my life, my day, my thoughts"...people never see what really makes us grow and tick and because. They never know the challenges we overcame in His name. I think we all want to appear to be self made or natural born heroes, to the point where He fades into the background of a new habit in our life, part of the mix, but not crucial.

In my average-ness and crankiness...anything good people see is Christ, not me. In myself, I am brash and critical and grouchy. I've been through a lot of losses and challenges that have shaken my foundation to what felt, at that time, to be a pinnacle of Christ I stood on tiptoes to stay on for some time. Until He gave me that opportunity to let that grow into a pedastal for me to stand on, and then a mound, and then a rock, and now a firm and unshakable mountain. In comparison, how it feels, though another major loss would no doubt challenge that feeling of security as it does for us all.

So, that's why I blog. Becuase people need to know Christ, and they need more of Christ. More of the Holy Spirit given access to every part of them, their mind, will, and emotion...so that we are a body of Christ, a people, loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and loving each other as we love ourselves.

In order for us to make a difference...it's GOT to run deeper in us. Christ has to become our breath, our existence, our livlihood, and our highest fun. Our entertainment value for life. I want the best of it. I want to see and experience at times in my life, "greater works" than he did. That is what he promised us. That is what he prophecied about us. So, why are we not there? He says that we will seek him and find him if we seek him with ALL our hearts. Are we finding him to the levels we desire?

Most books on knowing God say that you are as close to him as you want to be. I have to say that in recent years, I've pulled back. Why? The demands were too much for me. We want to dream dreams, have visions, to know what God is doing so that we can join Him. Then, we have a prophetic dream and it scares the daylights out of us and we worry for days if we were supposed to do something with that, or just pray, or affect the situation, or alert, or what in the world is going on and why is God telling us anyway? And then, it happens. And the person goes through hell. And they make poor choices. And you wonder if you did the right things, or if you chickened out. Finding God and hearing him and having a sense of peace in all that...working toward that peace is life consuming.

If we think that we can just sit and watch TV and not be totally engrossing in his word, his truth, his guidance, and sharpening ourselves to discern his voice out of a heart with a clear conscience...we are dreaming already. We are thinking we can live "the full life" here, not "missing" anything "good", and still be warriors in the kingdom. If you find it that way, let me know. It has taken layer after layer of bad habits off my life to free up enough time to sit with him. And then I realize I'm making excuses over another area of discipline I need because of time, and another thing I want out. And I am misusing my body and not presenting it to him for his use and service and fit for the things he might have me do, and other habits have to come and go.

He consumes you. If you don't want a life being totally consumed and used for Jesus, this blog is going to seem terribly radical and uninteresting and crazy to you.

But, I'm tired of seeing people not know truth. They "fall"and find they cannot feel even the pinnacle, strong and steady and peircing to hold them up. They perceive themselves to be hopeless, falling, unsteady, doubting...and there is no other warrior walking closely enough with them to help hold them up. I cannot imagine life without the support of other faith-filled warriors. If you don't have those people who are that close to you, pray for them. And seek to be that kind of friend, speaking encouragement and truth.

Some might say, "But, I've shared my heart before and I got hurt." Listen, we as a body of Christ are not supposed to gossip. But, let me tell you something else. You cannot dump details and people's real names and exact situations without it being too heavy for even fellow Christians to handle well. Use discretion when you "are real" and "share your heart". You can share heart struggles you have, a "friend" who you are really struggling with in "an area of ministry", and the effect that is having on you without saying a thing about the situation, without dishonoring the person and God's work in their life...without tearing anybody down.

And then, you can pray together. They take away from that sharing little situational stress, no temptation to even try to tell something so vague to someone else...not a trusted confidante. Just a burden to pray for you. They will not subliminally try to affect that situation and mess with it for you. Now, a pastor or someone like that may be able to handle more detail...but as a generality, unless you cannot make progress on your own at all and need to see yourself more clearly as well as them, you may not even need to share then. We do not protect and honor each other enough. We are ONE body.

So, there is my pep rally for the day. Wasn't even what I sat down to write about. I'll write about that another time.

1 comment:

Misty said...

Girl, you're just too deep for me! I'm going to have to take "swimming lessons". I may pop in on you Monday morning if you'll be at home and if that's ok. I have something for you. :)