7/09/2006

Totally Skill-less Roaming Poem on Grief

If you are my friend
Be patient with me
I am grieving
Babies, mine and yours, lost
old friends, mine and yours

I am afraid, somehow
of the inevitable
or the surprise
the danger
the accident
the loss, of any kind
Reminders of past losses, devastating losses
I cannot endure again
Or think I can't

Or equally as mind boggling:
Contemplating life
Meaning
Purpose
Legacy
Feeling so lost--yet knowing I am not

All process
All part
But weighty, too weighty,
all of it together
Out of balance
Frustrated
Overwhelmed with the bulk of processing

This is grieving
Distant, distracted, disconnected
Hurting--
My own sadness
and yours
Mixed in a bag I cannot sift
Letting go,
yet washing back at my feet times a day

Grief on grief
Heartache on heartache
Open wounds
Opening wounds
Mending
Healing...
again
as grieve does
A healer, in and of itself
amazing thought

Busy-ing myself
Because I need to
Mind, emotion, strength
Divert
Tiring easily,headaches, moods
Hating it

Touchy
Sensitive

Moving on...
takes...some...time

Regrouping
A tough month
Not bouncing back
too much in a row hits deep somehow

Others stronger
More adept
Letting go fast
Me...learning, slow, frustrated, hiding, comparing
as I should not, I know

So...if I seem insensitive
Unconcerned,
Not because I don't love you
Have found something or someone to replace you
Because I'm mad or thoughtless
or self centered
No, not really~
I need you

Push me!
But don't push
Wait on me
But leave me alone
Find me
But let me be
Gently
Tangled mess that I am
Go figure

Take me
Snappy, Emotional, Turse
"Busy", Unprepared, Weepy
Agitated, Touchy

And...try again
When I blow it, please

Smile at me
Even if I don't smile back
If I cry
or act cold
Don't think me too strange or stuck up
I'm not...try NOT to be!
You know pain, how it hurts
Even when you think it shouldn't
Not that much

Just be patient with me
And tell those I love
To be patient, too--
Moving as fast as I can forward, to better days...
without rushing grief
because I can't seem to
though I've tried to stop and say it's over

~The Management

1 comment:

esm said...

Hang in there, sister. I'm there for you no matter what -- tears or laughter -- loving you, praying for you. Those are the best things I can do for you -- NOT because they are the only things I know to do, but because they truly are the BEST things that I can do for you.