Mood Report

Tonight I just feel incurably exhausted.

Spiritually, emotionally, physically spent.

Deep down tired.

Went to the funeral home today. My aunt. Cancer. Smoker.

Tiring, curving, bumpy drive. Made me sick.

"Old" atmosphere. Without my husband.

My daughter agreed to go with me as a favor--I cheered very loudly! She's such a doll.

We ate bugles and sour candy and cokes for lunch on the way...my treat to her.

Upwards soccer closing tonight. Fun....happy-->sad.

I don't think I'll feel rested tomorrow.

But I need to rest. And clean off my desk. And start new.

New Pics

Posted some new pics at http://pdbscrapbooks.blogspot.com/ for a new scrapping friend if anybody's interested. I'll post her link as soon as she gets pics up.

I have scrap envy over a book of hers I saw last year at a convention in Nashville and have been trying to remember and duplicate her style or find her name since. Another friend thought she found her at another convention we attended recently...I confirmed that by email yesterday and am so excited about getting pics of that book! Seeing her book showed me how to my own writing and doodling in with the pictures.

Stickers, doodling, pictures, fun...the world is a great place if you can do that at 32 and have it valued!

This season add flip flops with feminine skirts and a pony tail, or heels with comfie jeans and blingy, dangly earrings? The world is a great place!

I LOVE IT!
link to my doodling

"Kidnapped"

A friend came and kidnapped us in her convertible Mustang last week. We picked up all the kids from school and took them riding and to Sonic Drive-in for slushies. It was so much fun to just do something totally stupid with them.

"Ponytail Sadness"

This is my proud the ponytail I was working very hard to grow. I loved it on fast days. This weekend, I decided to layer my hair to get a little more volume in it...and now, all I have left is s a teeny, tiny, stub. UGGGGGGHHHH!

I think that in two months, it will be back, maybe. Let's see, that's May, June July...surely I can hold out that long. It can sort of get it to stay in a clip still...with a lot of side clippies.

(I can't BELIEVE I did that! I've got to STOP watching "What Not to Wear!") A girl gets her ends layered and it looks great, and I go run for the scissors. Don't DO that!

My Fun Kisses

Oh yeah, he loves Mommy's kisses. He rubs 'em right off...I mean...rubs 'em in real good!

Piles

I'm in a hormonal fog this week. I can hardly wait until next week.

Men...you just don't know. Some women say, "Oh, I never noticed anything."

Right. Like some women say they never feel a contraction in labor. Mutants.

I think it brings about a mental cleansing sometimes...all the more sensitive emotions make me deals with "piles" that are usually sitting around that I really need to clean up, but have gotten used to...real estate stolen in my mind. Makes me conscience of one messy desk right now symbolic of piles that really need clearing.

Keep, give away or throw away. The cleaning experts tell us to MOVE IT! Move it somewhere.

I wonder if I can categorize mental piles that way. Keep it (work on it more), give it away (release it to the Lord), or throw it away (not necessarily or reparable or useful to mull fruther...forget it!) Create new "brain space" all clean and uncluttered and available for use again. Sounds as good as getting my desk piles cleared...soon.

Me

Star Goalie

Cute!

Just the cutest thing today! Checking out his star pin? I love my boys! I can call him "cute" and "babe" on my blog apparently...just can't yell it on the field. And he's decided I can't yell "flash" on the field either. (uggh!)

The Same Today

Boy Wonder broke my garage window with a baseball yesterday. (wow...that still happens today?) made me laugh in a nostalgic, rite of passage, way.

Promised Pic

Goldilocks New Hair. She has retained her natural curl after all. In the humidity of this week, it was curling right up...I was thrilled! We didn't cut off all the "baby curls" after all! I guess I can still call her Goldilocks after all!

Ready for Summer!

Today, I have a headache. The kind that just lingers all day. After three x-strength Tylenol, it's just a dull buzz behind my eyes. End of a hormonal week. I will survive all that nonsense, and all the nonsensical thoughts that tend to go with it.

Last week of Upward. Be glad for the free nights again. Family walks at dusk. Time for friends.

Mother's Day mania (honoring all the Mom's as best I can on a tight schedule without letting myself feel to guilty about not ever being able to do enough to love on them.)

I'm ready for Summer.

We started working on vacation plans this week. SO sweet to see my husband surf Disney's site for vacation ideas (shh, don't tell my kids yet!) and show me all there is to get excited about. When we went as a young couple, planning our own trip--my first to Disney ever-- was more special to me than anything I saw while I was there...except the fireworks...I loved the fireworks and the awesome parades. And Space Mountain. And riding there in a red borrowed convertible. Our graduation gift from schools to each other.

New Venue

Well, tonight I had to fill in coaching Upward soccer. Which is pretty interesting, considering I've never played soccer. But, it's the week we get to present the plan of salvation to the kids, so I was thrilled to have the opportunity this week. I was focused, active, running. We were on.

And...then...devotional time.

Dang it! They were all already saved.

Bummer.

I mean, "Yeah!"

I was REALLy hoping to lead one to the Lord on that wet field today.

But, one wanted to know what the pledge of allegience to the Bible was all about, and we taught him that, so that was fun. Actually, I'm not sure it they all are saved or not. I don't know them that well. I pray for them all to come to saving grace.

Keyboarding & Praise Band: Another Night Leading

Keyboarding & Praise Band: Another Night Leading:

I led praise band last night. It was a trip.

The band I started with had two people who worked at the same plant and an emergency came up = Replace two guitarists.

One normal drummer working, the other out of town=new drummer (who I later learned wasn't acclimated to 3/4 time yet....note to self).

I swapped two songs out of the set just before warm up, eliminated one they'd already done that AM, got rid of a hymn they couldn't figure out and didn't know "On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand"...I thought every Baptist knew that one!

Singers unavailable left and right this week= building a band from scratch can be a high challenge.

I begged the overtaxed minister of music to duet with me on vocals. We enjoyed a guitar led service with electric, austotic, and bass. No keyboards. I decided I wasn't going to try to play and lead at the same time this time just to see how that felt. I enjoyed it, except need to memorize better the the order within songs I plan to do next time to make things less stressful for me.

The toner was out of ink in the church copier for last minute copies. Fortunately, I was able to get the office unlocked--fifteen minutes after I started=feeling of chaos.

My pen was out of ink, my pencil lead broken=feeling of disorganization.

By the time the service started, I had so much brain haze I could hardly get out an intelligible comment! I said some flip flopped phrase mixing up words...the every so funny AV guys repeated it on my viewer screens for me. So funny! They have a way of getting us to laugh at ourselves. I love our tech people.

I'm used to playing the songs, not singing them=I realized that a couple songs were so low for my vocal range that I had a hard time lead harmonizing. "All Bow Down" seemed SO low. Days of Elijah seemed a lot lower than usual, too. I guess when I'm more nervous, my range narrows. Good time to find that out!

We'd started practice later than usual, trying to give people needed rest, but I won't start later than 4:30 from here on out. 5 practice for a 6 service was nuts. Somebody pop me for that one.

Anyway, God's grace prevailed, I didn't stress too much all week, and we stayed flexible, so all's well!

What is it about leading a worship service that drains a person SO MUCH the day after? You get the shakes after coming off adrenaline I guess? So weird every time. I don't know how seasoned leaders just keep going. Very impressive.

Party!

I read the comment to a blog last week that has me stirring-thinking. They were talking about "lifeless" or "empty" words to some worship songs that distract them.

The person's comment was that songs that celebrate our seeking or response to God rather than God himself are "empty". (I'm not going to share the name of the song -- it somehow distracts me to sing the song again after I've heard someone complain about it.)
I'll give an example of an old hymn similar in content I've always enjoyed: "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus".

"I Have Decided to Follow Jesus" comes in the context of not being able to do anything on my own. I know that. But, I think I struggle more not reinforcing, celebrating, and settling in my own heart what my priorities truly are...who my love truly is...and that is was, is, and continues to be up to my choice to keep him "chosen". The chosen one. My choice.

So, Yes, He enables me, calls me, and empowers me to do anything I do...but, I have a free will. Yes, He is the one who seeks me...but I must "find him", still. I must decide, He himself says that though He is the one who comes near to us and reveals himself to us...we MUST SEEK HIM WITH ALL OUR HEART IN ORDER TO FIND HIM! So, while it's not about me...it is about me.

I've never been more proud of any decision I've ever made. In singing this sone, I celebrate and affirm that. It feeds me to sing this song. I HAVE DECIDED! No one is making me do it, my family heritage doesn't dictate it, my religion doesn't require it, nor my country... I have decided. And I need to remember that I have decided and that I will not turn back, look left or right, up , or down for anything else...there is none other. I need to remember and remind myself...though none go with me...I still will follow.

I sing that celebrating! I mean...I got something totally RIGHT! Woo-HOO! Honestly, I don't think it's too far out there to imagine him getting tickled hearing us sing it. In one thing, I can always can find utter godly confidence in myself....if I keep choosing that right, everything else is A-Okay! I think he's glad that we get it!

Reminds me of something last week in church with one of my own kids. They asked us to think about a life verse we could write on the concrete with a Sharpie pen before it was covered in permanent flooring.... "A Firm Foundation" to stand on.

My son, half in jest, leaned over to me and said, "I know one! 'Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother."

I laughed and told his Dad, who smiled and rolled his eyes, appreciating the sentiment, however lighthearted. In the past, I've told him in jest that that's the most important verse in the Bible!

It did my heart good. Now...I didn't have any urge to say to him, "Now, son, you know I created you with my own body and taught you and grew you up...you really don't do anything I didn't teach you to do." No...I celebrated his joyful heart to want to please me and cheer me.

I imagine God adoring the fact that I celebrate my own love for Him as much as His love for me. His love makes me feel good, causes me to tick, and spurs me on to greater love for others.
Above all other loves, he's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul. Yup, I DO consider myself wisest of all people on the earth to have found and responded to that truth!!! Paul said, if we are going to glory...glory in our salvation. I'm not too convinced he's all that picky as to how we go about making him first, as long as we do it.

Another type of song mentioned, one I haven't heard, was a much discussed song by Chris Tomlin called: "Party" (deviating from the strong theology of his previous works.)

I don't know about you, but it sounds like a hoot to me! Fun...clapping...just have a good time in the Lord.

Seriously....do we always have to have a point wrapped in clear theology? Yeah, it's good to know why, and I'm not going to sing a non truth or be sacriligious or TRY to offend somebody else worshipping, I'm not saying that. But, okay...think of it this way:

Yesterday, my husband walks up behind me out of the clear blue, unexpectly home for minute, gives me a huge swing around the kitchen, plops me on the bar, and kisses me squarely. I am just no longer at a point in our relationship where I have to say, "Why'd you do that? What do you mean? What did I do? Are you for real?" Nope...I just enjoyed it and received it and was surprised by his love and play. I appreciate his love for me, the fun, the child-like "for no good reason" love.

Relating this to worship may be a stretch, but my question here is: Do we always have to be crystal clear in our intent with God? Can't we just wake up on some days and say to him, "Lord, I sure am wow-ed out today over you. PARTY! Let's have fun!" Yes, I'm listening to him. If he says, "No, dear, today you have work to do." Then, we work and I try to keep having fun, though it can be a downer, right? But, I still think people are just honored when we just want to go out and play. Do something fun together. We get so filled with having a purpose and making a point and redeeming the time that we just forget to play with those we care most about. I don't think we should exclude God from that. The days we've gone on bike rides together and enjoyed walks and planted flowers and done something unnecessary, but joyful...those times fill me. He doesn't require that we always have a solid point in everything we do. We aren't to intentionally dishonor others, serving them, or His schedule for us, but he lets us play!

Learn how to play, and to play with God. That sounds sacriligeous I know. I'll probably get a ton of email over this one.

I haven't heard Tomlin's song yet, but I sure hope it captures those pictures and thoughts for me.

Child-like play can seem too random in the wrong setting or with the wrong timing, but given the right mood...I could absolutely get a kick out of it. All I'm saying.

Bible example? Party! Israelites did that after a big battle. One check we learn from them is to not lose track of our enemy as we party...to stay strong. We are still warriors, even as we celebrate. To keep listening and hearing, even as we celebrate.

Well, those are my random, and not thoroughly undeveloped, in-process thoughts on "light" Christian lyrics. Yeah, I REALLY value songs that teach sound theology...especially in light of the Da Vinci Code. Be let's not be too reactionary. While we need to be grounded in something besides emotion, there's a lot to be said for focused emotion, too. I'm sure there are those who could say it better. Feel free to comment!

I think I'll go listen to "Party" on iTunes now.

Me!

Achievement

Red and I just got home from the kid's school awards ceremony for highest grade averages in various subjects.
--They hold that "ceremony" just before the water balloon fights--

Boy Wonder was high on History, Bible, and Language this year.
Golden Girl on Math, Phonics, Reading, and Bible.

I'm so glad they shine like stars in their classes!
I hope their enjoyment of school continues as they grow.

Double to Single Spaced

--1st grade writing

Does any other Mother go through inordinate mood swings as the school year wraps up?

Tomorrow is the last day of school for my kids.

About this time, every day...I start feeling weepy.

I just had to clean up a couple stacks of school paper and got tearful putting them away. Well, for heaven's sake! Break time.

But, I'm not crazy. It IS sad!

The last year of third grade, and first grade, and a stay at home preschooler.

The last day of that in MY life.

I celebrate Summer, and a job well done, and life, and growth.

But the finality. The passing of time. The change. Wow. Time IS still ticking, isn't it?

Next year, they will be different. Different challenges, different strengths. They change so fast! They DO! Yes, same kids...but, last year, lefty Boy Wonder's writing was so bad I thought I'd have to hammer him to death to get him to pass handwriting! This year, it's a work of art, especially for a leftie...and I haven't had to say a word. I've mistaken his writing was his sister's several times! I'd accuse him, "Did you do this yourself? Are you SURE?"

Totally different kids...yet the same. Hopefully Golden Girl will remember her lunch more next year!

(click to enlarge...it is TOO worth it!)

Brag Alert

Last night was good. My Golden Girl got highest GPA in her class, and my Boy Wonder got all A honor roll. He was .4 away from the top average (yesterday's health quiz determined the winner and he confused his cardiac with his diaphram...don't tell anyone!) Beat by the same blonde chick last year! Dog Gone It! Oh, well, she a sweetie pie...she deserves it.

They both had "near perfect attendance" and got a trophy for that. (Around here, that's a miracle.) I am so proud of them!

Golden Girl looked so pretty in her new scarf dress and new haircut and sequin hair clip. (You still can't tell much from the front, so that's not an "official hair cut pic yet...I'm being good.)

Boy Wonder had on "real clothes" and looked so clean cut and grown up! (I made him comb his hair to the side, which he hated. But, he looked so tall and proud.)

Well, another year down. I made it! I mean, THEY made it. My kids were "promoted".

I hope we did all we needed to. They are so happy and healthy...learning so much. Their teachers were both so sweet to them (left) and so complimentary. It makes a mother so proud.

Fog, Socks, & Dirt

Today...brain fog. Having a hard time focusing. Jumble...like sorting a basket of socks after I've not sorted them in months. And, then it takes three days to see where the strays are. And I hate it. It's a mess, and they are just socks after all.

So much going on this week!

I hope to find His sense of activity, purpose, direction, and activity. Even after my Bible Study for today, I just feel like I can't move there is just so much to think, do, pray, examine.

Lord, just be my bulldozer today-- be forceful and diliberate. Move the junk out of the way and pave the path to level ground. Help me make decisions and plans, and write and be ready. I am so unmotivated.

me

Goodbye "Goldilocks"

This was a pic of the last time I got to brush her long, lovely, prone to curling on a hot summer's day locks.

My emotions are in a heap tonight.
So in love with my family.
So...mother-ish.
So protective
and proud.
So sorrowful
and joyful.
So...speechless.
There is no good verb or description for motherhood.

Tonight, my golilocks got her goldilocks cut off.
(*weep. weep. moist eyes in the house*)

I won't post an "after" pic of the event until her local friends have seen her "live". After all, this is her show, not mine.

Not now.

She is her own.

Wanting her own new style, new hair, new look. Shorter for summer pool weather.

I'd warmed her up to the idea a few weeks ago:

"Hon, you think you might like to have a bit of your hair trimmed to make it
easier to care for when you get out of the pool?"

"NO WAY! I AM NOT GETTING MY LONG HAIR CUT. NO! No way. Don't even THINK about it."

Discussion over. Not brought up again.

So, tonight we all went to mom's, and she decided it was time for a new look...to cut quite a bit off. Her Dad was taken aback, saying, "Are you SURE? Are WE sure?"

We cut three inches off (off a 6 yr. old's head...that's A LOT!). She decided it still looked too much the same (not seeing the back yet), and wanted another 1 1/2 inches off.

Knowing how she felt, needing a change, we made sure we'd still save the pony-tail, and I gave it an okay.

She was brave--she needed to do it.

I understand.

Wow. Now it looks she incredibly thick and shiny and healthy head, where it was getting long and tangled and lifeless on most "normal" days before.

All the way up until bedtime, she was is bouncing around like a million bucks. I know she can't wait to go to graduation (promotion) service at school tomorrow night with her "all grown up"look. (6:30 at the school...be there, or be square.)

After all that hoopla...even my son wanted a change. He only wanted his hair left long. (Thanks, E!) His thick head of hair? Right. So, trying my best to comply...we thinned it out a lot to make it not so heavy and left it as "long" as I could stand...well, compared to his normal summer buzz order.

So...the rest of us parents and grandparents just watched in wonder at our changing children who never used to care...until now.

Goodbye my lovely Goldilocks.

(*weep*hold it together, Mommy---*er...Mom.)

Hello.... ummmm,

"Golden Girl."

(Yup, that's it.)

Full Day

Last night I saw the neatest children's play at a neighboring church with multimedia, a play, and lots of modern praise music -- all well done. (I think it was entitled, "Who Is Like the Lord?") I'd love to have the voices of several of the young ones! Beautiful and inspiring talent.

Today's been afull, fun, day...lots of visitors and company and fun all morning and afternoon.

I would really like a short nap before I cook supper--hopefully, in between the screaming and yelling and torture of THE THREE amongst themselves! Night, night?.