Resolution of All Resolutions

I don't know that I can do justice to this blog entry. But, it is to supercede all other information in my brain today.

My oldest son woke us at our hotel shortly after midnight last night, New Year's to tell us he had something important to say. I had a feeling, and began to rouse my husband, sleeping soundly already beside me.

The lights from the fireplace flickering on the ceiling up above, he began to tell me that said at my Mom's at midnight, they were having a circle sharing time of Thanksgiving, the children shared first. He shared a first time, then listened to all others share how Christ had worked in their life, and how important Christ was to them...their salvation was what they were most thankful for.

By the end, he said he really felt God tugging "like really hard" at his heart, and he really knew "it was time".

He said he just knew he needed to share again, saying, "I really need to say something. I've been thinking about it for a long time and I really feel God tugging really hard at my heart. I'm ready to give my heart to Jesus and be a Christian. I want to give my life to Him and let him be in charge." Oh! Son! With me gone! Oh! I missed it! But...he's calling me now and we're talking it through...don't freak out, self! Don't melt down. Stay focused...speaker phone, speaker phone...

"Oh, son...that's so neat. I'm sure you have many questions. We can talk about those when we get home. I think you are right, it is now time. Can you share that again for your Daddy to hear? "
He's been asking questions for about a year, but it not really holding his interest. Now, he has lots of questions. And, a few minutes later, his mood changed, doubts were already arising with tears and shaking voice.

"But, what if it was just me, and not him tugging...after all, it was just me thinking about it. Maybe it wasn't Him at all. Maybe I might pray now. and it not be "it". What if I have to do it again...would I have to be re-baptized? What if He wasn't 'tugging'? Maybe I AM just STARTING to think about it, like you said before. Maybe I'm just 'starting' to think about it."

We've seen him squirm in the pew for months from time to time, knowing it might be the day...no, now it's time. Somehow it was BECAUSE of all these doubts and questions and concerns that we knew it WAS finally time. The burden. Guilt. Confiction. Uncertainty.

Take point home to self: how many times I thought I was ready for something when God was waiting for my doubt? My humility?

Cell phone battery dies at this moment. Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!! Thank God for 1-800 lines grandmas keep for emergencies, and a husband who could remember the number when she rattled it off.

We got him to some point of peace, then tonight FINALLY got an opporunity to talk to him again about it after other siblings had been put to bed. He still have so many questions, concerns, doubt, confusion. He told me thought maybe he'd dreamt it all since no one had brought it up today. Maybe it wasn't God at all? Maybe it didn't happen. Maybe it was just a dream.

Some dream!

He said his knees and legs were shaking the whole time he was sharing with the group...and as he shared on the phone with us. Yet, he sounded so brave and independent and sure at first. I'm so proud of him. Come to find out, he did pray himself about his sin guilt he felt, handing that over to God now, accepting that Christ dies for his sin on the cross and believing He rose again. He knows now that he can never be "good enough" in and of himself to earn his own salvation, nd that now that he has the truth and understands it, he is responsible for it.

It's most definately "time"!

I've talked to many children about salvation and Christ. Now my own son. Come to think of it, it may have been a good thing we weren't there last night. Once he told me last night, I started crying and couldn't stop thinking and praying and crying until 3AM. Today, much more composed.

Tonight, as his questions were answered, the peace came...giddy laughter, celebration, smiles, relief! He said "Good night, sister in Christ!" giving me a kiss. He prayed, thanking God for "finally getting saved" (at the ripe old age of 9).

And even though I didn't get to be there, I know God put people around him who would be blessed. This is cool: one of my oldest aunts and her husband could never have children, but have always loved and supported me growing up. In their mid 70s now, they wept at his profession. My other aunt who was present has two children...one away for the holidays in the military, the other died two years ago with aggressive Lupis--a young Mom with a baby less than a year old. Both so blessed and touched with a special moment for their holidays they will never forget. And, all of them respected our need to talk with him first, yet congratulating him modestly, but from the heart. My sweet uncle weeping, sobbing, with shoulders heaving Mom said.

Tomorrow, he'll get to tell his friends who are already saved. He can hardly wait.

I stayed up last night to write him a letter in the hotel room with all the details he had told me for him to keep. I'll put it in his book of letters from me

So, there's one heck of a "new year's resolution". Not a bad start. He said with it being New Year's and resolutions and all, he thought it would just be a really good time to do it, with God tugging at his heart then and all. I'll say he was right.

Thank you, God, for "tugging real hard".

Your Daughter